hosting is hard

Hello and welcome home (me)! 

I have been gone– spiritually, from this newsletter, physically, from my home– for many weeks. I’ve been talking about my book, promoting my book, meeting Matthew Rhys (once, by accident), spending lots of time in airports and car rental kiosks, riding in the backseats of Lyfts and sleeping in hotel rooms for one night only. People ask me “are you happy to be home?” and happy doesn’t begin to describe it. It’s not the events themselves that make me feel insane (I LOVE the events), it’s the being away and living away from the things and people I want to be near. If I could go on book tour every night and still sleep at home without (inevitably) running late to the airport and living out of a suitcase (never packing what I need to pack, packing many things I will never wear), I would do it, but alas. For the sake of transparency, I’ll tell you my clothes are still in a suitcase, but now on the floor in my bedroom. A small but significant improvement. 

Related: thank you to every single person who bought a ticket and came out to the events over the last few weeks. To everyone who wrote me a note or gave me a gift to give to Charlie (he loves the Egg! Egg! Egg! book). To everyone who asked a thoughtful or funny or hard or silly question (I will not be taking any more FMK’s for the duration of my career, sadly). To everyone who bought a book, who is reading the book, who’s cooking from the book, who’s gifting the book. I am so grateful to be able to talk not just about this specific book, which means so much to me, but the act of making books and why they are so important. I love you all, I’m so grateful to get to do this. 

To anyone who wasn’t able to get to the tour, we have a little bit of merch leftover that we brought back with us to sell on the world wide web. Apologies if the sizing isn’t as robust as it was, it’s what we have– we sadly will not be restocking anything or making more of anything– once it’s gone, it’s gone. I’m especially proud of this little collection, I hope you love it, too. 

Anyway, I am home. I’m excited to stop talking about the work and actually start making work again. Resurrect this newsletter, cook in my kitchen, write again. This weekend though, the first order of business, despite the fact that Christmas is “basically already over,” is to get a Christmas tree.

After being gone for so long, I’m needing to nest in a very intense way, plus, it’s baby’s first Christmas and we must. Last year, while seven and half months pregnant, I dragged Max to the top of a mountain and made him saw down a tree in a snow drift (without gloves, sorry). It was romantic and we got into a fight over something stupid and tree-related. “It was a movie.” 

This year, we’ll do something less romantic and more expensive and get a tree from a nursery in Red Hook or maybe just drag one home from outside Trader Joe’s. While still more convenient than sawing down your own tree from the top of a mountain and strapping it to your car to drive three hours down the Taconic, this is always inconvenient. But the (minor) inconvenience of doing this will be worth the two weeks of cheer and joy it will bring me, I tell myself. And it will be true (I tell my husband, who is reading this). 

Earlier this year, I decided not to host my annual ham party (even though I’m married and ostensibly it’s our ham party now, it’s still probably going to always be my ham party and we both accept that). It was a hard choice, but I decided I hosted enough this year. I had a baby this year, I turned 40 this year, I put out a book this year. I have done enough this year. Wow, I have done so much this year! I have done so much this year that wouldn’t it be a shame to not celebrate it at the end with one or more hams? 

Okay. I am having my annual ham party this year. And the (major) inconvenience of doing this will be worth the 6 hours of cheer and joy it will bring me, I tell myself. And it will be true (I tell my husband, who is still reading this). 

Around this time of year, there are a lot of things to read about hosting. Namely, how to do it without stress. How to do it without fuss or inconvenience. Babe, I have news. A lot of hosting IS stressfull. It is inconvenient. And that’s okay my love! Hosting, like cooking, is an act of generosity and care. Sometimes that means it’s difficult or challenging or, gasp, inconvenient. You do things you don’t normally do, doing them willingly and hopefully with enthusiasm and at least some small sense of glee. 

You cover a styrofoam cone with Martin’s Potato Rolls. You order three different hams from three different places to see which ham is your favorite. You ruin your rug. You get water stains on your dining table*. You put all the olives in the jar on toothpicks because it looks nice and people appreciate that. You accumulate lots of trash. You make a special trip to Chinatown to get the tangerines with the stems on so you can make your special candle holders. You buy the bodega out of ice. You let people wear their shoes inside, walking all over your apartment with their outdoor shoes, shoes inside your apartment, shoes on the floor and the rug, shoes inside, everyone is wearing shoes inside because it’s the holidays and you’re hosting and tis the season for generosity and looking the other way! 

We don’t host because it’s easy. We host because it’s fun and it makes us feel good inside to take care of people we like and we like to have a good time. We host because the ham will never be better than at your own party. We host because it fills us up to give people a room to flit about where the bulbs are all the correct color temperature at the proper dimness so everyone looks their best and the music is good and loud but not too loud and martinis that are briny and cold and snacks that are salty and abundant. Where everyone there is someone who is fun and nice and interesting and well-dressed and who wants to be in that room. God, there is nothing better than a room of people who want to be in that room! Blessed are those who know it will not, can not, get better than that room. 

I’m not suggesting you need to host 65–85 people for a ham party with two weeks notice yourself– I know plenty of people who host elegant, extremely fun ham parties with groups of 6–10. These ham parties are also parties. I’m only suggesting that whatever your hosting may be this year, remember that it can be as stressful as you let it be. If everything is a chore then it becomes stressful. Instead of bracing yourself for something stressful, assume it’s going to be fun, and that a small amount of stress is going to accompany that fun. This goes for dinner parties, or like, a vacation. We don’t let the stress of an airport deter us from going on vacation, so like, the trash and work and messy kitchen is basically just the airport of the vacation. Do you follow? Listen, I’m working at half capacity here. Stay with me.

If you’re looking for ham party inspiration, here’s my mustard opus from several years back. I’m not going to re-read it, but I think it still holds up. Mustard, afterall, is timeless. Included is the recipe for my ham which remains largely unchanged year over year. And for more entertainment, here’s the ham party video from 2022. Another apartment, another lifetime! 

If you’re looking for general decorating, hosting or gifting inspiration, I would love to point you to my favorite resource for all things, holiday or not: Etsy. It’s no exaggeration to say that this is my favorite place to shop. I do not want the same thing everyone else has, I do not want to give the same gift everyone else is going to give (or get). I want my home, my kitchen, my store, my cookbook photos with things that are unique, things  with soul, with a story, with a personality. 

This is where I get my red beads that adorn my tree, the ice cream coupes that I use to serve ice cream but also as candle holders, vases for eccentric flower arrangements, old Ginori plates to serve festive ham, you name it. I've made a list of those things (or things inspired / closely related to those things) for your own shopping pleasure. 

And for any questions on hosting or sourcing, please leave a comment- I’ll get back to you (a dialogue!!). 

In other news:

Our New York City First Bloom pop-up is extended through 12/23. While we are sold out of the Kendall Jenner mug, we have plenty of other magnificent ceramics, home goods and pantry items, including A Very Good Tomato Sauce. Come say hi!

For those of you not in the New York area, we have more tomato sauce available for shipping beginning right now. They will go fast. If you’re looking to get it for a holiday gift, order by 12/14 so it arrives in time (related- I’m working on a bigger newsletter all about the trials and tribulations of launching a small business and how this all went for us this year. So many thoughts!). 

You can get the sauce in time for the holiday (if you purchase by 12/14) HERE. 

You can purchase First Bloom gift boxes for shipping, HERE. 

Thank you for reading, I adore you all, see you next week!