How to Dine with a Baby

Today Charlie turned 15 months old. That doesn’t feel especially significant, except that every single month things seem to change so much, that it can’t help but feel significant. These days, he’s running around with two hands in the air at all times, touching everything, and of the things he touches, most of those things go into his mouth. He falls down a lot, but when he does, he immediately gets up and never cries– things we can all learn from my son. He’s obsessed with bathtime and being in/touching water, loves strangers and wants to pet every dog. He prefers to play with the big kids and has a quest to explore anything with wheels. He’s learning to communicate, mostly through gestures but he does know how to say the word “no,” clear as day, as well as “uh-oh” and maybe “dog,” if you have an imagination. He has perpetually rosy cheeks, exacerbated by the drool that comes with teething (which he always seems to be) and the newfound sun (this is the sunscreen we use, but if you have a recommendation, let me know.)

I have a friend with a son who’s two months younger than Charlie and we’re trading notes. Is he walking? Talking? Does he like to read? What’s his favorite breakfast? Is he still on two naps? The biggest comfort in this exercise is that it shows how different two babies are and can be. Nothing that is always true for Charlie will always be true for this other tiny prince, and vice versa. 

After my little missive the other day about attempting to dine out with a toddler, I received two  specific questions: 1. “Can you talk about going to restaurants with the baby? I have a two-month-old and miss nice restaurants badly, but don’t know logistically how it works/if it’s appropriate to bring them.” 2. “Can I have the recipe for those fish cakes?”

Scroll down for the answer to the second question (they are on constant repeat for us these days). As for the first: 

Any parent who has a child over the age of 9 months will tell you: Now is the time. Dine now. Dine like you’re dining without children, because effectively, once they start to sit up in a chair, crawl, walk….a sleeping baby next to you is the closest you’ll come. We ate at so many restaurants in the first six months. Max and I would pack up our tiny potato into The Doona (small, compact, fits under most restaurant tables, converts to a car seat if we needed to leave the neighborhood), head to a place that had a 5 or 5:30pm reservation and dine in bliss. 

As to the question of whether or not it's “appropriate,” well… Yes! As one reader put it: “If you go early enough and it’s not a super nice restaurant, I don’t feel bad. Babies are allowed to exist!” Extending beyond restaurants, I was personally surprised at the amount of shame I felt for simply bringing a baby into an otherwise baby-free space (we can circle back on that). But they’re right! Babies are allowed to exist!  

Do I feel annoyed at especially loud-talkers/phone-call-takers in an otherwise quiet cafe? Yes, but that is assuming the person talking loud/taking a call has agency and awareness. A baby is…well, it’s a baby! They don’t have either. This is getting dangerously close into “baby on airplane etiquette” territory (which, we should talk about), but in a restaurant you, the parent, can use your best judgement on where to go and if it’s going to be a disaster or not. While they really are full of surprises, you know your baby and their behaviors better than anyone and can assess on a week to week or hour by hour basis whether or not they’re up for it. 

As a general rule, I didn’t ever take Charlie to a place too “nice,” never a place that was so small I couldn’t comfortably bring a stroller, and never past 5:30. If he cried for longer than a minute and couldn’t be easily fed or consoled, one of us would take him out of the restaurant and walk him around the block until he fell back asleep (sometimes there are only two modes: hungry/crying or asleep). 

At 15 months, it’s….considerably harder (less enjoyable/more annoying) to dine than those first few months. But not impossible. The same rules as above apply, with the added layers of: if/when he throws food onto the floor, we make our very best attempt to clean it up (my baby’s mess should not fall on the servers/staff of a restaurant). We also bring snacks, sometimes a whole meal. I can only speak to my son’s style of dining, but the adult pacing of eating at a restaurant is….too slow for Charlie. He sits down and needs something to eat/drink/play with sooner than immediately. As long as there is dried mango or a meatball, a full cup of water and at least one small truck in front of him, things seem to be pretty peaceful (for at least 22 minutes). Consideration and preparedness go a long way into feeling comfortable and welcome at a restaurant (a ceiling fan in the room brings added value, buying you an additional 5–10 minutes). 

All to say: Yes! Dine out with your baby, your toddler, your child. Have a martini while cradling your newborn and resist the urge to feel judged– I did, and it felt awesome. If you are a good guest who dines with equanimity (which we should all aspire to 😇), dine with your baby for however long they’ll let you.  

Here are some other great reader submitted suggestions: 

• Start taking them when they are very little so they can grow up being comfortable in a restaurant (sitting, dining with parents, noise level, strangers, etc.). 
• At home, sit the baby at the table with you so it doesn’t feel foreign when dining out. Also, many babies will love seeing the action/give them something to look at/be entertained by.
• If you go early enough and it’s not a super nice restaurant, I don’t feel bad. Babies are allowed to exist!
• Before six months is prime baby dining time, and significantly easier than dining out between the 12 and 24 month zone. 
• In NYC, there’s a site (letsgobaby.co) for which to find family friendly restaurants (not every restaurant in New York is…..family friendly), filtered by amenities like high chair, changing table, stroller storage, etc. 
• Go as close to 5pm as possible, call ahead if necessary and ask for a high chair. 
• Only dine out with the baby if you’re comfortable with it. If you are stressed about not making a scene/mess and overly occupied with what other people think, the babies/kids will mirror your own anxiety. I especially liked this one. 

The recipes published under A Little Newsletter are things that I cook or have cooked for my son that he’s enjoyed. They are recipes that batch easily, freeze well and taste really good according to both a baby and me, an adult. Do not think of these recipes as “baby food,” think of them as “recipes my baby might enjoy”–I hope they do!

Fish Cakes with Beans and Greens

Makes 12-15 fish cakes

I wish I took as good care of myself as I do my baby, where I’m obsessed with making sure he’s getting enough nutrients like protein, fiber and omega-3s. I’m not a nutritionist, but I know enough to know these little hand-held fish cakes have all of the aforementioned things. An excellent place for leftover cooked fish, you can also use tinned fish like mackerel or sardines if baby is into that.

Ingredients

• 1 15-ounce can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 ½ cups finely chopped kale, swiss chard, spinach or broccoli   
• 2 scallions or 1 garlic clove, finely chopped
• 2 large eggs
• 2 tablespoons panko breadcrumbs (or 1 tablespoon flour in a pinch) 
• 1 ½–2 cups / 12–16 ounces cooked fish, such as trout, salmon, cod or haddock 
• Kosher salt
• 2 tablespoons olive oil or clarified butter, for cooking

Preparation

1. In a large bowl, combine beans, greens and scallions. Use a fork and stir well, breaking up the beans to a coarse mash (can also use your hands). Add the eggs and breadcrumbs and stir to incorporate well. Add fish, season with salt, and stir until all is well blended– the mixture should be able to stay together well when you form little cakes with your hands. 

2. Heat a thin layer of oil or clarified butter in a medium skillet over medium–high heat. Roll golf ball-sized portions of the fish mixture and slightly flatten slightly into thick little discs (these stay together best when thicker versus squished into flat patties). Add one by one and cook until golden brown on both sides, 3–4 minutes per side. 

3. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate and let cool before serving. 

DO AHEAD: Fish cakes can be made 4 days ahead, stored in the refrigerator. They also freeze beautifully, up to 1 month ahead.